August update

It occurred to me that I haven't updated this blog in a LONG time, so thought I give some details about my progress. My weight leveled off for a very long time as well.  While I've continued to get in my daily protein (I shoot for 120+ grams per day) and am mostly compliant with my vites, my carb eating got a little out of control for several months. Happily, I didn't gain any weight, but neither was I losing any either.

Recently, I've started a new plan. I am eating low carb during the week, really trying to keep net carbs 50 or lower and then Saturday is my carb allowed day. So if I really really want something carby, I am comforting myself with 'hey, you can have that on Saturday!'  I've only been doing this a few weeks, but the scale has started moving again, so it's really encouraging.

I'm currently 20 lbs away from my goal. I'm wearing solid sz 10 pants and even have a few sz 8s. Tops are mostly medium although I have an incisional hernia in my upper belly which bulges some so I don't like to wear too form fitting tops. Shapewear does a good but not perfect job of smoothing things out.

I've continued to increase my exercise, which was probably my saving grace during my carb fest. I did indeed finish my first half marathon back in May and have since done two additional ones. I have two more halfs coming up and then the big one, the Philly marathon, in November. I joined a training group and we meet every Saturday for our long runs. I love the group dynamic and the motivation/support. I have no stated time goal, we are training just to finish, but I will be disappointed if I don't finish under 6 hours.  Yes, I know that's a really slow marathon pace, but this might be just a bucket list item. We shall see, anyway. In addition to the running, my teenage daughter and I are both doing a weekly yoga class and a spin class. It's amazing how alive I feel and how much I am amazed at what my body can do, now that it's freed from most of the prison of flesh I carried around for 20 years. :)

January update

Soon I will be 11 months out from surgery. I'm disappointed with my progress in some respects and thrilled in others. I really hoped to be closer to my goal weight by now but I'm still 35 lbs away from it. The last month or so carbs have crept back into my life so I know that has slowed my loss considerably. We were visiting family for just over 2 weeks, surrounded by all kinds of goodies and I indulged myself much more than I should. I lost no weight over Christmas but didnt gain any either. Now it's time to buckle down and make the most of my first year out.

For the first time, today I'm wearing a pair of sz 10 jeans. They must be generously sized, sice they are the only pair of 10s I would wear out of the house but I'll take it! Even though the scale hasn't budged that much in the last couple of months, my hips and thighs are definitely smaller.

I'm continuing to increase my exercise. So far I've done 4 5ks and my 5th is coming up in a few days. Every time has been a new personal record and I hope I can continue that. AND (gulp!) I've decided to continue to push myself and plan to do a half marathon in May. It's pretty daunting considering that my max run currently is just over 4 miles and 13.1 miles is a heck of lot further! Still, I've downloaded some training plans and 4 months of training seems feasible, given where I'm at currently. My goal will be to finish in 3 hours or less, which would even allow me to do some walking here and there if I  need to. I'm excited and simultaneously terrified!

Thinking like a fat person

My family and I went out this past weekend, and when we came out to get back into our car, my husband asked me why I went all the way around the car to get into the front passenger seat, when I could have easily fit through the space between our front bumper and the back bumper of the car in front of us. He laughed at me, and said I was still 'thinking like a fat person'. I realized that it's so true. When I'm going down a narrow hallway at work, I suck my stomach in and press my body to the side with my arm behind me, if I pass a person going the opposite way. I turn sideways to fit into places when very likely I could fit just fine going straight ahead. I avoid sitting anywhere I might have to squeeze between chairs (like some restaurants) because I'm afraid that I won't be able to fit and I will be embarrassed.
This whole 'body dysmorphia' thing is very strange.

I took my teen daughter shopping at Kohl's the other day and every time I caught sight of myself in the mirror, I just wanted to stop and stare. Who is that person? I really don't recognize her. I'm not (or at least I don't think I am) defined by my weight, yet this whole losing weight thing has radically altered my perception of myself. A positive change overall, but it's still a huge mental adjustment.

Another month, another size

I'm 7 months out from my surgery now and life is still pretty good. This week I wore two different sz 12 pants to work, which still kind of boggles my mind. I notice weird things like when I lie in bed on my side, my kneecaps press uncomfortably together so I have to switch up how I lay down. I guess I always had too much fat padding there before. I can feel my tailbone, never knew the bone was shaped like that before. Hard chairs kill my butt now. We went to the rodeo last weekend and sat on metal bleachers. My butt was sore for 2 days!! My collarbones are starting to emerge.

I just looked at a video of my family from a couple of years ago and I can't believe how huge I was. I still feel pretty fat most days but when I saw that video, I was like 'Dang, I was *really* fat!!'

I've been doing so much better on my vitamins, I have not missed a dose for almost a month now. I did buy a medcenter vitamin dispenser that allows you to set up an entire month's supply at once and that's been a huge help. I also put reminders in my phone to take my vitamins. I still hate my multivitamin horsepill but I've discovered that if I take with my protein shake, it goes down so much easier and doesn't get stuck or gag me. My hair loss is still going on, I keep thinking that it's slowing down but then more comes out. I got it cut much shorter last week (by at least 8 inches) so at least the lost hair isn't so bad on my bathroom floor.

I'm going goodwill shopping this afternoon and I just may dare buy some sz 10 clothing for the winter. It definitely won't fit me now but I've found it helpful to buy the next smaller size to have on hand. I like to try it on to gauge how my body is doing and see if I can squeeze my thighs in or zip things up yet!

Post-5k

Well I did not make my hoped for time of 45 minutes but I did finish it in 49 minutes, so that's pretty darn close. I shaved 6 minutes of my fastest treadmill time, yet I ran less than I previously have when doing a 5k on a treadmill. Still trying to figure that one out, haha. I was actually a little disappointed that I could not run more. But this was the first time I have ever run outside, in full view of others. Up to that point, I've been feeling self conscious and shying away from it. I'm feeling more motivated now. I guess if I can run in front of a few hundred people, I can certainly run around in my neighborhood.
My legs (hip flexors) are sore today but I'm feeling motivated to get back into a regular running program and hopefully do another 5k in October.
Bonus: I'm 91 lbs down today.